I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
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This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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