Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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