my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
