I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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