you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
