He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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