he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
