sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
