your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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