the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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