I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
