There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
