Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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