do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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