also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize