Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i love accidental penises.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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