the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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