So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
