This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
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I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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