Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
