I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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