my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
