Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have post one night stand depression
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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