I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
