Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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