One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
should my penis look like a turkey
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
