Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
