If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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