Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
