3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
