you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
