Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
