you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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