Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
