I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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