i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
