If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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