My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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