i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Everclear isn't food dammit
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
