Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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