alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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