No stitches, just platelets and will power
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
