can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...