Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
