I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
