i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
