someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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