I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
