Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
