I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
