a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
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If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
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