You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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