So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
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Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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