We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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