So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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