Don't you send me to vm
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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