Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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