Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
